my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
