My hair reeks of homosexuality.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
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Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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