I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
