She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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