guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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