Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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