was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
