so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm both gender and math confused
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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