It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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