While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
