his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
