Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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