i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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