some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
