and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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