Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
