I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
