It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
