he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
