flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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