Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
