Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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