I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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