Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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