he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
