My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize