if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
