apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
