I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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