White coat. Heels.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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