I heard we made out
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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