I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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