I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
