he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
