So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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