just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
