Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
