My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
