just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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