it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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