I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
