Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
