im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
