I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
