You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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