I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
the raccoons are back...
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