I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
