I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
