I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
