i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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