Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
