The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
