you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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