I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
