The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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