Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize