operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
