Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
