1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
