i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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