dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
